I know the hardest thing will be to leave the boys' school. Have I mentioned I LOVE their school? And they LOVE their school? Every day is an adventure and they can't wait to get to school and I can literally watch their brains and vocab and skills expanding by the day. It is so much fun to do normal school stuff like field trips to the pumpkin farm and sew an Indian costume for a Thanksgiving party. I have had to come to the realization that "counting the cost" and "sacrificing for the Gospel" will involve pulling the boys' out of their school that they love and away from their new friends and routine. It will not be easy. Pray hard for them.... and for my mama heart. I fully trust that God has put them in our family and the experiences (and sacrifices!) they will make as a result of our lifestyle are all part of His plan for their lives, but still my mama heart hurts sometimes.
One of the other hard things will be all the knowns and unknowns we face as we return... the unknowns are scary, but the knowns are worse... That panicky feeling I get when the boys are sick - knowing a hospital is hours' away - by plane. That sick feeling I get when we start shoving anti-malaria drugs into our bodies knowing that our livers will pay the price one day. The frustration of tense relationships and tight money and power outages and ants that swarm and refuse to be killed. All those and more will be waiting for us upon our return.
I have been so thankful for our time back in the States. Refreshing. Filling. Growing. Healing. I am thankful. Also confirming that, yes, God is still leading us back. We are resolved that this is the path He has for our life at this time. Last Sunday, our pastor defined resolve as "commitment to do something even when the feelings aren't there." We go back because we believe that God has us go back. And we go back because we know that "in due time we shall reap if we do not grow faint."
In the midst of discouragement, I had a beautiful day seeing God's small good gifts and I am so thankful for all the blessings of the day. Deuteronomy 8 is my favorite reminder to "remember all the way in which the Lord your God has led you," so, for future reminders' sake....
Things I am thankful for today...
- Watching my sweet Caleb stand in front of his class and speak clearly and loudly about his (pretend) life as an Indian helping the Pilgrims.
- A meeting that we have been struggling to set up suddenly came through easily and unexpectedly.
- Sitting with Elijah during his class "Authors' Party" and listening to him read Ezra his story about aliens... that he had written and edited himself.
- Plane tickets that needed to be changed were changed effortlessly within 20 minutes and with no additional charges.
- Our car was totally on empty and we stopped to fill up at our regular station, only to learn they were in a "Gas War" with a brand new station in town - so gas prices had dropped THIRTY CENTS a gallon from 3 days ago. First time we've filled our van for less than $50!
Small things, yes. But reminders that the Lord gives grace - small doses for small days and big doses for overwhelming days. I am thankful.
