God is gracious

We're potty training Ezra this week. I'll spare you the pictures; I'm not sure Brant would want them posted all over the Internet anyways. :) It's gone pretty well overall - more successes than accidents and he's dry during nap times and during the night, so I really can't complain 4 days in. What has been hilarious is that we've quickly figured out that Ezra likes total privacy to do his business! So early the first day he pushed his little potty chair from the living room where we had set it up, down the hall, into his bedroom. Now, when I take him, I help him get his pants down, sit him down and then leave! He's very particular. :) It's also hilarious as I'll watch him scoot around his room (we have tile floors) sitting on the potty chair the whole time - he'll scoot himself over to his bookshelf, toy box, whatever. He even scooted over to his dressed this afternoon and pulled all the clothes out... all while sitting!

Ezra with a sucker - his treat after going potty. :) Proof I do give my children sugar... sometimes. ;)

Anyways, Tuesday was NOT a good day potty training and by noon I had changed 4-5 pairs of dirty underwear. Yesterday was much better and when Brant came home for lunch I remarked, "God is gracious today - Ezra hasn't had an accident yet." As soon as I said the words, I immediately regretted them. Is God gracious only when things go my way? Was He not gracious on Tuesday giving me patience to clean up messes? Does God - or my view of God - change depending on my circumstances?

Today has been a rough day. Brant was down at the airport this afternoon getting stuff ready for a flight when he said "all hell broke loose." A plane went down in the mountains. Just like that one of our good friends, a missionary pilot who has been serving here for 20 years, was in the presence of the Lord. Tonight as we cried and prayed for his wife and kids, I tried to picture what their last morning together as a family was like - did they recognize God's grace in the moments they were spending this morning, not knowing they would be their last?

I am not a good missionary. My faith in God is weak. I see God as faithful and gracious this morning, and yet question His plan and timing this afternoon. Yet, if I question the God Who Never Changes, then why am I here - in this hot, horrible place, 1200 miles from the nearest Starbucks and half a world away from my family and friends? Is not the very reason we are here in the first place to proclaim in the darkness that there is a God Who does not change? His love does not fail when a plane engine does. His grace is the same whether my child messes in his underwear or makes it to the toilet. His faithfulness does not waver even when my faith falters.

I am thankful we serve a God like that.